Day 2 in the NICU

Gary has done such a FABULOUS job of keeping our blog updated, but he insisted I take a turn. First, I want to thank you ALL for your thoughts, support, love, and especially your prayers! We are so blessed to have such wonderful family and friends! And I have to especially thank my mom for being here at the drop of a hat!! I don't know what I would have done (or would be doing) without her! Right now she has Kyri and Graysen with her at her house. And we miss those kids like CRAZY, but we know they are being taken care of and getting spoiled rotten :)

Tanzi had a REALLY great day yesterday! It was SO good to see her and spend some time with her. This is what she looked like when we first got to the hospital:

Her nurse, McKell, put that super cute headband on her! But, as you can see, she still has the breathing tube in. :( All we wanted to do was hold and snuggle our little angel, but that darn tube was in the way!

But here she is, awake

She kept trying to pull her tube out. She is a feisty one....and we wouldn't want it any other way :) She has been hating ALL these tubes from the beginning and has been hoping to get at least one out. Unfortunately, the nurses are too quick.

Yesterday afternoon when Gary and I just came back from eating lunch I went to pump and Gary walked in right as they were getting ready to take her breathing tube out. YEA!! He was able to record it and said she did REALLY well! I got in there just after they took it out and this is how she looked:

And while she was thrilled to have the breathing tube out, she was less than thrilled that that darn Anderson tube (the one that's still in her mouth and it sucks all the nasty stuff out of her tummy) was still in. Her next plot? To take the Anderson tube out!! And this is a good shot where you can see the tube going up her nose. This one actually goes all the way down to her intestine, where the stint is to help keep it open so it can heal properly.

Tanzi finally decided that at least having the breathing tube out is better than nothing. This picture was actually taken right after McKell and I gave her a bath. It was so nice to clean her off a bit. And while I would have loved to record or take pictures of her first bath I was more happy that I got to HOLD her....just what I had been waiting for!

Isn't she just so precious?

Last night Gary was able to go to the Conference Center for the Priesthood session. Afterward he came back up with his dad and brother, Jimmy, and they were able to give Tanzi a blessing. I am SO grateful for the priesthood power and to have so many worthy priesthood holders surrounding us! It was a very beautiful blessing. Thank you Pops and Jimmy for coming up!!

This was the first time Gary got to hold Tanzi yesterday

Mama and Tanzi

So, all in all it was a great day for Tanzi! While Gary was at Conference I just sat and held her for about 2 hours. I can't think of anything better! And then when I called this morning Tanzi's nurse told me that she had a really great night, but at one point she managed to get that Anderson tube out!! That's my girl :) She has been working on that one for a few days. Finally, a success! Too bad they had to put it right back in. They are hoping today to put in a feeding tube, so we'll see how that goes. We just love our precious angel!

And here's just some of my rambling thoughts. Not because I think you all want to read a novel, but more for our own records. I'm not one to keep a journal, so this is it.

All things considered I think Gary and I have been doing really pretty well. Even though this has been an emotional roller coaster we have both been so much at peace with the whole situation. I still cry. I'm a mom. But my tears have never been out of fear of how this will all turn out. We have felt the many prayers and fasts being answered. And not just in behalf of Tanzi, but us as well. We know that we have many loved ones who care enough to remember us in this time of need. And that alone brings tears to my eyes. And then I think of our loving Heavenly Father, who loves us enough to bless Tanzi in this time of need, and also to bless us with so much peace and comfort. How grateful I am for His love! And that always brings tears to my eyes.

I have been SO impressed with the entire medical staff at Primary Children's. Everyone is so helpful and extremely knowledgeable! Before Tanzi went in for surgery we talked with the anesthesiologist, who was absolutely wonderful!! Before taking her in he told me, "You know all the concerns you have as a mom? Well, I have them too. But we're going to take good care of her." And he gave me a hug. I knew then that she WOULD be okay. I have never doubted the care that Tanzi is in. And, of course, that brings tears to my eyes.

I have felt such an increase in love for my amazing husband! Gary has truly been a rock through all of this. And I can't keep the tears from my eyes when I think of him and how our relationship has already grown through this experience.

I think one of the hardest things is coming home each day....without our baby girl. I wake up in the night....to a breast pump. You know, I've never been one to LOVE nursing. I never thought it was as "natural" or easy as expected. But oh what I wouldn't give to be able to nurse that baby girl of mine. Especially in the middle of the night. That brings tears to my eyes....every night...when I'm up in the night...all alone...with nothing but the sounds of a breast pump.

I also think this would be a much different situation if this was our first and only child. And I could spend all day everyday with Tanzi and think of no one else. But it's not. And I miss Kyri and Graysen....oh so much!! Friday night we came home and slept here since Tanzi was still sedated and we all thought it would be a pretty uneventful night. In the morning while we were making breakfast Graysen just wanted me to hold him and snuggle him...and I did. And I didn't want to put him down...STILL bringing tears to my eyes. I know this isn't easy for Kyri and Gray, but they are being so good and having fun with Grammy. I just can't wait for the day when we can ALL be home...together...as a FAMILY!